We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
