Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
