He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
