I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
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