i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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