nutella sex= disaster
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
The Olympian is in my bed
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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