Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I just want to make out with him forever
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
