Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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