Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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