This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
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IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
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Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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