I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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