A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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