you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
