This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
