Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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