nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
where are you?
Hypothermia
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
