If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
