if i can run in heels then i can drive
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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