Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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