I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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