you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
