Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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