Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
