I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
