He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
