man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
