Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
