I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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