Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
