A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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