we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
