I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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