First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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