the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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