Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
