just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
