We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
