Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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