I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
just tell him i said nine months
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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