I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
She needs sedatives and a leash
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
