I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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