I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
