i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize