ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
This baby is an asshole
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
