Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
