All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
