I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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