i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He felt like a one man threesome
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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