I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
