i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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