I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
