How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
