I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
