im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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