I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
He had one of those small greek statue penises
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
