At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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