Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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