I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
