im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
i've created a new STD.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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