do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
