where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
