i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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