she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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