exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
