its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
