his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
