I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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