She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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