This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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