Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
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