life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
There's always time for handjobs
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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