you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Randomize
