Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
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I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
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I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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