Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
