He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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