were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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