Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I hope mine doesn't look like that
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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