Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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