It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
