Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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