So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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