Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
