Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
