Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
